The mentoring role comes with inherent dilemmas related to the mentor's responsibilities, the confidentiality of the relationship, obligations towards others in the organisation, and both legal and moral considerations.
What should a mentor do if they discover that the mentee is behaving "inappropriately" towards others? Here, "inappropriate" might mean immoral or unsuitable, based on the mentor’s personal judgment. In such cases, the mentor can express their opinion to the mentee and discuss the dilemma. But what happens if the mentee disagrees and continues with their behaviour? To whom is the mentor responsible — the mentee or others? And who decides what is right or wrong – if such a decision can even be made!
What should a mentor do if they discover that the mentee is engaging in potentially illegal activities? Is the mentor then obligated to report it to the appropriate authorities, or should they uphold their promise of confidentiality? Or what should they do?
Dilemmas in Mentoring
These are some of the toughest dilemmas for a mentor to navigate. Thankfully, these situations are rare. However, it is a good exercise for mentors to consider extreme scenarios to be better prepared for any dilemmas that may arise.
Clutterbuck and Megginson[i] (2006) outline questions that describe the most common dilemmas for a mentor:
- Who am I responsible to in my mentor role, and how do I prioritise these different responsibilities?
- How will I manage conflicts related to these responsibilities, particularly concerning confidentiality?
- What boundaries should I ensure we stay within during our conversations and relationship?
- What level of "intimacy" is appropriate?
- When should I withdraw from a mentor/mentee partnership?
- When should I push the mentee towards what I believe they need, rather than what they think they need?
- When should I withhold information from the mentee?
A good piece of advice for mentors facing a critical dilemma is to discuss it in confidence with someone they trust. This could be another mentor, ideally one who does not know the mentee in question. It could be a person from the HR department. It could be an external consultant if one is associated with the mentoring programme, or it could be someone entirely outside of the situation.
There are no definitive answers as to what is right for a mentor to do, but discussing the situation with another person helps the mentor evaluate the situation and find the best possible solution given the circumstances.
Supporting Mentors through Supervision – "Mentoring the Mentors"
Supervision for mentors involves providing the mentors with the opportunity to discuss their mentoring role with others — preferably both with other mentors and with an experienced mentor/consultant who has a deep understanding of the intricacies of mentoring.
The purpose is to give mentors a confidential space where they can ask questions, seek fresh solutions, share their practices, and receive advice, guidance, and feedback on how to grow in the role — while also confirming that they are on the right track in their mentoring practice. This allows for reflection, a greater understanding of their own abilities and talents in the mentor role, and it simultaneously builds the mentor’s confidence in using their full personality in the mentor role.
By establishing mentoring programmes, organisations can ensure that the programme includes opportunities to support mentors in their development and execution of the mentor role. Our experience shows that supervision of mentors — which we call "mentoring the mentors" — works best in networks of mentors, where they continuously learn from and with each other while being supported by an experienced consultant/mentor.
This approach is highly effective as part of the mentoring programmes, as it allows mentors to come together to share experiences and discuss their challenges. This not only makes the process relevant and valuable for each individual but also provides inspiration and opportunity to build networks, so that the mentors can continue to use each other as sounding boards during and after the ending of the programme. It is as simple as picking up the phone or sending an email to start a mutually beneficial supervision and learning process.
Based on the Danish book ”Mentor+Guiden – om mentorskab og en-til-en-relationer”, 2nd edition by Kirsten M. Poulsen, published by KMP+ Forlag 2015
[i] David Megginson, David Clutterbuck m.fl. “Mentoring in Action”, Kogan Page, 2006. Oversat af forfatteren.
